Steady Recovery

Journal entries from hospital stay March 13 to 15

March 13, 2024 (Wed)

Getting quality sleep continues to be a problem for me. I told Dr. Cheung about my dark mood last evening. He upped my lithium dosage.

This morning I did a couple guided meditation from Insight Timer. Sarah Blondin’s soothing voice and cleansing words always steady me to a calmer place.

I got a day pass and walked to BCIT.

It’s spring break so it was quiet on campus. I spent 3 hours at the library and loved it. “What did you do?” You ask. 

Well, I wrote and posted Brain Dump Chop Suey on Substack while listening to music. Then I clear my inbox and just kinda surf here and there. 

Insight moment: I realized how much I needed my own uninterrupted time and how much self-expression helps me. #win

Dinner at Royal Paan. I ordered Samosa Chaat (Samosa topped with chickpea curry seasoned yogurt, tamarind and chilli sauces and onions) for $10. So good.

Quote from notice board: Climb your mountain.

March 14, 2024 (Thu)

I got about 4-5 hours of sleep last night. I guess upping my lithium dosage didn’t help with my sleep all that much. Every time I woke up at night I wrote down what was on my mind. When I told Dr. Cheung during our daily check in, he asked what I wrote down. I appreciate that. Not everyone, and certainly not every doctor, asks for details like that. 

Well, in this case, I wrote down stuff like: 

• Music in my head: Vogue by Madonna

• Todo: Process emails labelled @Waiting.

• Todo: Start a folder for a dream trip to the Smithsonian in Washington DC. Ottawa would be nice too. Same trip? Different trip?

• Clean todo list the app Things.

• Etc. etc.

I also told him all the things we’re doing / I want to do this weekend. Dr. Cheung said I’m still on the manic side. He recommends I slow down and limit myself to one or two tasks per day. 

I agree. I will try. 🙂

At breakfast I chatted with J. He’s studying graphic design at BCIT. He is type 1 diabetic. He told me how he manages his blood sugar level. In many ways, managing diabetes is similar to managing bipolar. For one, there is no cure, just symptom management.

But J told me new stem cell research is showing promising results that could one day cure his diabetes. I learned so much. 

And we agree our pains make us better artists.

It’s a beautiful day. I went out for a walk after lunch then again after dinner.

Posted Pale Blue on Substack. 

Super happy with the way this turns out:

Quotes on notice board: Your best is enough.

March 15, 2024 (Fri)

I got a solid 8 hours of sleep thanks to the melatonin I took last night. Dr. Cheung said we are basically on cruise control now. We’ll wait and see what I’m like after the weekend overnight pass. 

I got a day pass and took the bus to Metrotown for some power shopping aka Getting everything I planned to get within an hour. So proud of myself.

I met up with my daughter at Ki Cafe. What a great place! I even found a manga series I used to read and loved as a teenage girl.

I did another painting for Crafters for a Cause at BC Brain Wellness. These paintings are to be donated to recent immigrants, many are refugees. I like this one better than the two I did yesterday.

Thank you for choosing Canada as your new home

At dinner I sat with T who has gentle iced-blue eyes and meandering thoughts. When I asked if he gets to go outside to enjoy the beautiful weather, he said he did. He also said it’s paradoxical that he now is inside-want-out whereas before he was outside-want-in. I asked “What do you mean?”. He told me he didn’t really have a home before so he was outside trying to find a place to be inside. 

I smiled politely and returned to my chicken drumstick. I had no idea what that’s like.

I feel not as connected with other patients as my mood improves. Then I realized It could be my medications. I’ll talk to Dr. Cheung tomorrow about lowering my lithium dosage.

I'm hospitalized from a manic episode.